They say that people come into your life at certain times to teach you something and then they are gone. The relationship comes to an end. I have always had a hard time saying goodbye and letting go of a past friendship. I always wonder what my friends and the people I care about are up to. I miss our deep conversations, shared secrets, and times of laughter. What did I do wrong to cause you to walk away?
My college boyfriend, Tim, just got married. I saw his wedding pictures on Facebook and he looks so happy. I am happy that he has found someone special to share his life with, but at the same time I am filled with a sense of loss. He was my best friend and my heart aches knowing that someone else has taken that special place in his heart that I once called my own.
Tim and I were the best of friends. We were like Harry and Sally in the classic movie, "When Harry Met Sally". We were complete opposites, but got along like two peas in a pod. He was a big spender and loved to have the latest and greatest gadgets and clothes. I was little miss frugal who hated to spend a dime on something that I would not use. He loved to spend hours playing on the computer. I loved to spend hours running along the lake shore and basking in the sun. He was a night owl and loved to stay out until the wee hours of the morning. While I was an early riser, who was in bed by 10 pm in order to wake refreshed for my morning run.
Despite our differences, Tim was my dear, trusted companion. I opened my heart to him and shared my deepest secrets. I turned to him for advice and comfort. He had a talent of helping me see the reality of a situation, when I would spiral into a depression over a little trauma. He knew how to make me smile. I never wanted to date Tim because I knew if we didn't work out, I would lose my best friend.
Tim and I broke up over 4 years ago and as I expected, our friendship ended. I know in my heart that we were a terrible couple, but I still miss his friendship. I know that we can never have a relationship again, but I will always hold a special place in my heart for him. If he ever needs a friend, a sympathetic ear, or a good laugh, I will be here for him. I always hold a place in my heart for my friends, even those who have gone away, and I hope that someday, God will send them back into my life and if he does, I will welcome them with open arms.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
First Day Basics
I am very nervous to start my new job on Monday. I feel like I did on the first day of seventh grade. I moved to a new school and did not know anyone. I felt lost and out of place. Monday will be a new beginning, a chance to meet new people, a chance to become more of the person that I want to be.
On Monday, I want to allow myself to be a beginner. I want to give myself the opportunity to learn the basics, rather than expecting myself to make an impact on day one. Throughout my life I have set high expectations for myself and pressured myself to perform triple pirouettes, rather than learning how to plie.
When I was a freshman in college, I took a beginning modern dance class for fun. I found the class boring at times because the teacher focused on the basics, like how to point your toes, how to plie, and how to rise on your toes. I wanted to perform complicated turns, leaps, and jumps, rather than walk in triple steps across the floor. However, while these basic exercises seemed too easy, they made me a much better dancer.
When I returned home for the winter break, I retreated to my basement and put on my dancing shoes again. I was amazed to see that I could now easily perform five or six pirouettes at a time, when I found triple turns to be a challenge while in high school. The basic, simple exercises that my teacher stressed in my modern dance class helped me learn how to use my core muscles to control my body during more complicated dance steps. The basics improved my performance.
The lesson that I want to take with me as I start my new job on Monday is to be open to learning the simple basic lessons, such as who are the customers that I will support and what do they need. For the first time in my life, I want to lower my expectations for performing and to focus on going with the flow of the job. I believe if I allow myself to learn the basics, the performance will come and the job will turn into something amazing.
On my first day of work, I expect to feel lost, but I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this time. Clarity will come when I stay open to the possibilities and to learn.
On Monday, I want to allow myself to be a beginner. I want to give myself the opportunity to learn the basics, rather than expecting myself to make an impact on day one. Throughout my life I have set high expectations for myself and pressured myself to perform triple pirouettes, rather than learning how to plie.
When I was a freshman in college, I took a beginning modern dance class for fun. I found the class boring at times because the teacher focused on the basics, like how to point your toes, how to plie, and how to rise on your toes. I wanted to perform complicated turns, leaps, and jumps, rather than walk in triple steps across the floor. However, while these basic exercises seemed too easy, they made me a much better dancer.
When I returned home for the winter break, I retreated to my basement and put on my dancing shoes again. I was amazed to see that I could now easily perform five or six pirouettes at a time, when I found triple turns to be a challenge while in high school. The basic, simple exercises that my teacher stressed in my modern dance class helped me learn how to use my core muscles to control my body during more complicated dance steps. The basics improved my performance.
The lesson that I want to take with me as I start my new job on Monday is to be open to learning the simple basic lessons, such as who are the customers that I will support and what do they need. For the first time in my life, I want to lower my expectations for performing and to focus on going with the flow of the job. I believe if I allow myself to learn the basics, the performance will come and the job will turn into something amazing.
On my first day of work, I expect to feel lost, but I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this time. Clarity will come when I stay open to the possibilities and to learn.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Pretty little mistakes
Mistakes. Life is all about making pretty little mistakes. Little detours that teach us lessons to prepare us for our final destination. These little mistakes help us discover who we are really meant to be.
Courage. It takes a lot of courage to admit our mistakes and to ask for a second chance. It takes courage to embrace our fears and go after what we want.
I tapped into my courage and asked for a second chance for the job opportunity that I declined. I admitted that I made a mistake by turning down the job and expressed my fears that held me back from saying yes. My honesty paid off and I was given a second chance at the job.
I accepted the job and accomplished my goal. I set out on this journey to follow my heart. One thing that I learned is that I will never have a perfect picture of what I am meant to do. I believe that I will discover it over time, by making those little detours. I focused on what I was looking for in my next job and magically the pieces came together. I secured a job in marketing that will allow me to use my creative and analytical skills. I will be working with a team of smart people who respect my values for a manager who will teach me the lessons I need to learn right now. I see many possibilities for that interest me in my new job.
The only way to discover what my heart really wants is to try different things that interest me and learn from each experience. After all, each little detour will lead me closer to where I am meant to be.
Courage. It takes a lot of courage to admit our mistakes and to ask for a second chance. It takes courage to embrace our fears and go after what we want.
I tapped into my courage and asked for a second chance for the job opportunity that I declined. I admitted that I made a mistake by turning down the job and expressed my fears that held me back from saying yes. My honesty paid off and I was given a second chance at the job.
I accepted the job and accomplished my goal. I set out on this journey to follow my heart. One thing that I learned is that I will never have a perfect picture of what I am meant to do. I believe that I will discover it over time, by making those little detours. I focused on what I was looking for in my next job and magically the pieces came together. I secured a job in marketing that will allow me to use my creative and analytical skills. I will be working with a team of smart people who respect my values for a manager who will teach me the lessons I need to learn right now. I see many possibilities for that interest me in my new job.
The only way to discover what my heart really wants is to try different things that interest me and learn from each experience. After all, each little detour will lead me closer to where I am meant to be.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
The Power of Hope
I just finished reading an inspirational book called "The Freedom Writers Diary". It is about a young English teacher named Erin Gruwell who is given a freshman class of "unteachable, at-risk" kids. These students come from diverse ethnic backgrounds and have dealt with family abuse, neglect, gang violence, and extreme poverty. These kids have lost hope in a brighter future and feel destined to a hard life of violence and discrimination.
Ms. Gruwell accepts, respects, and challenges the students to rise above race discrimination. She gives them hope and teaches them about the power of change. She believes in their potential and encourages her students to believe in themselves. Through reading novels such as "The Diary of Anne Frank" and "The Color Purple" the students learn how to stand up for what they believe in and to go after their dreams.
It was amazing to read the student journal entries and hear their stories of losing family members to gang violence, being evicted from their homes, and suffering from physical and sexual abuse. The students gained confidence during their high school careers, improved their grades, and successfully graduated onto college. They learned how to use their writing to fight back against discrimination and rise above their current situations.
Ms. Gruwell clearly lived out her passion in life - to help others achieve success and confidence. She had a gift for inspiring others to believe in themselves. I believe it would be very rewarding to find a job where I would have the opportunity to make people feel better about themselves and inspire positive change. I want to make a difference in another's life in someway.
Ms. Gruwell accepts, respects, and challenges the students to rise above race discrimination. She gives them hope and teaches them about the power of change. She believes in their potential and encourages her students to believe in themselves. Through reading novels such as "The Diary of Anne Frank" and "The Color Purple" the students learn how to stand up for what they believe in and to go after their dreams.
It was amazing to read the student journal entries and hear their stories of losing family members to gang violence, being evicted from their homes, and suffering from physical and sexual abuse. The students gained confidence during their high school careers, improved their grades, and successfully graduated onto college. They learned how to use their writing to fight back against discrimination and rise above their current situations.
Ms. Gruwell clearly lived out her passion in life - to help others achieve success and confidence. She had a gift for inspiring others to believe in themselves. I believe it would be very rewarding to find a job where I would have the opportunity to make people feel better about themselves and inspire positive change. I want to make a difference in another's life in someway.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Second Chances
I learned a very important lesson yesterday. Once again, I learned that I must make my own decisions and not base them on what other people would want me to do. Also, I learned that sometimes God gives us exactly what we want, but we do not recognize it because we are waiting for the idealized situation that we create in our minds.
I said "no" to a job opportunity because I was afraid to make a choice. I assumed the job would be similar to the one I just left based on a past experience that was very traumatic for me. I failed to see that it was the exact opportunity that I needed and I regret my decision.
I spoke with the director and received some great advice. Those who love their jobs do not over think and plan their careers in detail. They try something that sounds interesting and it turns into a career that they could never have imagined. They are satisfied with their choice. Others, like myself, obsess and plan their careers in detail trying so hard to find the "perfect" fit and wind up disappointed and discouraged because no job will meet that idealized scenario in their minds. Perhaps we discover our dream jobs by chance when we take a risk and try something that piques our curiosity.
A year ago I ran into a similar situation that I am facing today. I decided to adopt a kitten, Luci after many months of debate. I was not sure that I wanted a kitten, but I decided to do so after seeing the joy in my Mom's eyes when we played with the kittens at the Humane Society. At first I hated Luci and greatly regretted my decision. She was hyper-active, disrupted my calming yoga routine, and made a mess of my immaculately clean condo. I second guessed my decision and gave her back to the Humane Society in an attempt to restore the calm, perfect order in my home.
The next day I returned home from a stressful day at work and Luci was not there to greet me excitedly at the door. My heart ached when I realized that I had overlooked all of her positive gifts of companionship and unconditional love. I called the Humane Society and begged to get her back. After a few weeks, I got her and it was the best decision that I could make. Yes, Luci is a mischievous cat who loves to dance on the counters, steal razors from the shower, and throw her toys under the dryer. But she also greets me with excitement each time I open the door and patiently waits until my yoga session is complete, so she can curl up on my chest while I lay in corpse pose, offering lots of love, comfort, and joy. Luci added life and color to my home and gave me exactly what I needed . . . unconditional love and acceptance.
The job I passed up was exactly what I needed at this time. I wanted a job that was creative and analytical, working for a manager who would be a mentor to me and help nurture my gifts and build my confidence again. I passed on a job that would allow me to work for a manager that I admired with a team that accepted and respected me for what I could offer. I would have had many opportunities to learn and grow and perhaps help others solve problems. Now I want a second chance. While this job may not have been "perfect", like Luci, it would have given me exactly what I need at this time.
I said "no" to a job opportunity because I was afraid to make a choice. I assumed the job would be similar to the one I just left based on a past experience that was very traumatic for me. I failed to see that it was the exact opportunity that I needed and I regret my decision.
I spoke with the director and received some great advice. Those who love their jobs do not over think and plan their careers in detail. They try something that sounds interesting and it turns into a career that they could never have imagined. They are satisfied with their choice. Others, like myself, obsess and plan their careers in detail trying so hard to find the "perfect" fit and wind up disappointed and discouraged because no job will meet that idealized scenario in their minds. Perhaps we discover our dream jobs by chance when we take a risk and try something that piques our curiosity.
A year ago I ran into a similar situation that I am facing today. I decided to adopt a kitten, Luci after many months of debate. I was not sure that I wanted a kitten, but I decided to do so after seeing the joy in my Mom's eyes when we played with the kittens at the Humane Society. At first I hated Luci and greatly regretted my decision. She was hyper-active, disrupted my calming yoga routine, and made a mess of my immaculately clean condo. I second guessed my decision and gave her back to the Humane Society in an attempt to restore the calm, perfect order in my home.
The next day I returned home from a stressful day at work and Luci was not there to greet me excitedly at the door. My heart ached when I realized that I had overlooked all of her positive gifts of companionship and unconditional love. I called the Humane Society and begged to get her back. After a few weeks, I got her and it was the best decision that I could make. Yes, Luci is a mischievous cat who loves to dance on the counters, steal razors from the shower, and throw her toys under the dryer. But she also greets me with excitement each time I open the door and patiently waits until my yoga session is complete, so she can curl up on my chest while I lay in corpse pose, offering lots of love, comfort, and joy. Luci added life and color to my home and gave me exactly what I needed . . . unconditional love and acceptance.
The job I passed up was exactly what I needed at this time. I wanted a job that was creative and analytical, working for a manager who would be a mentor to me and help nurture my gifts and build my confidence again. I passed on a job that would allow me to work for a manager that I admired with a team that accepted and respected me for what I could offer. I would have had many opportunities to learn and grow and perhaps help others solve problems. Now I want a second chance. While this job may not have been "perfect", like Luci, it would have given me exactly what I need at this time.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Embracing fear
Today I took a big risk and said "no" to a job opportunity that did not feel like a good fit for me at this time. It was the hardest decision that I have had to make because I am left facing one of my biggest fears - not having a job. However, I set out on this journey to follow my heart. My heart sent me clear signals that I could not ignore telling me the job was not what I wanted.
In the past, I would have ignored what my heart was telling me and tried to make the best of the job. Yes, I know that I could have been pleasantly surprised and the job could have turned out to be just what I needed. However, I had too many red flags during the interview process that made me come to the decision to not take the job.
I still do not have a clear picture of what my ideal job would look like. I believe it will be something that I cannot imagine right now. I will walk into an environment and meet with people who are smart and share my values. It will be a comforting place where I will be able to learn and help others solve problems. I will be respected and appreciated for what I can do, rather than criticized for my weaknesses. I will be able to have balance in my life. The job will fall into place easily and I will be excited and energized by the opportunity.
I made my decision and I will not second guess. I will continue to focus on what I am looking for in a company and a job and trust that the right opportunity will be there when I am ready. Maybe this job opportunity was a test to see if I am committed to following my heart, rather than surrendering to my fears. Maybe right now, I need a little more time to heal.
In the past, I would have ignored what my heart was telling me and tried to make the best of the job. Yes, I know that I could have been pleasantly surprised and the job could have turned out to be just what I needed. However, I had too many red flags during the interview process that made me come to the decision to not take the job.
I still do not have a clear picture of what my ideal job would look like. I believe it will be something that I cannot imagine right now. I will walk into an environment and meet with people who are smart and share my values. It will be a comforting place where I will be able to learn and help others solve problems. I will be respected and appreciated for what I can do, rather than criticized for my weaknesses. I will be able to have balance in my life. The job will fall into place easily and I will be excited and energized by the opportunity.
I made my decision and I will not second guess. I will continue to focus on what I am looking for in a company and a job and trust that the right opportunity will be there when I am ready. Maybe this job opportunity was a test to see if I am committed to following my heart, rather than surrendering to my fears. Maybe right now, I need a little more time to heal.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Decision Time
I have to make a decision about a job opportunity tomorrow and I am filled with mixed emotions and anxiety. I have this strong urge in my gut that resists this job, telling me to "just say no". When I think rationally about the job, it has many possibilities. I really liked the person I would work for, the area within the company is growing, and there would be a lot of opportunities to learn and make an impact. However, the area is also very chaotic and facing too many demands right now.
Why do I feel such an intense aversion to accepting this job? This opportunity came quickly and easily. I do not feel ready to make a decision. I am afraid to say "no" and listen to my gut, when this job could turn out to be a pleasant surprise. I am also afraid to say "yes" and start working in an environment that is very stressful and chaotic, when I crave a simple, lower stress job that I do not have to take home at the end of the day. I need to keep balance in my life right now.
Do I want this job or is there something better out there waiting for me? Why can't I feel excitement about this opportunity? It feels so good to be wanted and appreciated for who I am and I have a hard time saying "no" to something that could be just what I need right now. I do not want to let my fear hold me back. I wish I could feel calm and comfortable with one decision or the other inside. I wish I had more clarity.
Tomorrow I need to say "yes" or "no". There is no wrong decision, each will lead me in a different direction. What is the right decision for me right now? I will tuck this decision in the back of my mind and hope that I will wake up tomorrow morning and know with certainty what answer is right for me. Whatever direction I choose to walk in, I will not look back or second guess. I will make the most of the experience and hope that it is a pleasant surprise.
Why do I feel such an intense aversion to accepting this job? This opportunity came quickly and easily. I do not feel ready to make a decision. I am afraid to say "no" and listen to my gut, when this job could turn out to be a pleasant surprise. I am also afraid to say "yes" and start working in an environment that is very stressful and chaotic, when I crave a simple, lower stress job that I do not have to take home at the end of the day. I need to keep balance in my life right now.
Do I want this job or is there something better out there waiting for me? Why can't I feel excitement about this opportunity? It feels so good to be wanted and appreciated for who I am and I have a hard time saying "no" to something that could be just what I need right now. I do not want to let my fear hold me back. I wish I could feel calm and comfortable with one decision or the other inside. I wish I had more clarity.
Tomorrow I need to say "yes" or "no". There is no wrong decision, each will lead me in a different direction. What is the right decision for me right now? I will tuck this decision in the back of my mind and hope that I will wake up tomorrow morning and know with certainty what answer is right for me. Whatever direction I choose to walk in, I will not look back or second guess. I will make the most of the experience and hope that it is a pleasant surprise.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Learning to Trust
The universe and God are very powerful and both work in mysterious ways. I am amazed and grateful for all of the people that have recently come into my life that are leading me closer to the job that I am looking for. Things are coming together and with less effort than I had anticipated based on all the dismal news in the press today about the job market.
I set out on this journey to follow my heart and find my passions. I did many informational interviews and learned that most people who found a career that they love seemed to fall into it. After all of my introspection and analysis, I still can not fit myself neatly into a function, like marketing, finance, or accounting. In this black and white world, all I know for sure is that I am a shade of gray, blue, yellow, green, or pink, depending on my mood for the day.
Here is what I know about myself so far:
1. I have a passion for health and fitness. I must exercise each day because it makes me feel confident, energized, and strong.
2. I love to learn new things and have a variety of interests. I lose myself while reading good books, browsing through magazines, and mindlessly doing crossword puzzles.
3. I feel energized by connecting with other people and helping them solve problems; I want to make a difference in another person's life.
4. I need to work with smart people who are passionate about what they do in order to learn and grow.
5. Routines bring me comfort and help me feel in control in the chaos within the world today. I naturally put process in place when faced with ambiguity and chaos.
6. Balance is important to me. I work hard, but I also need time to myself to re-energize, reflect, and have fun.
Now I can apply these things in many ways. But maybe, my journey right now is not to find the "perfect" job for me, rather, to learn to trust myself. My journey is to rediscover my confidence and what I really want to do, then trust myself that I will make it happen.
For the first time in my life, people see all of my potential and actually want me to work for them. Today I feel like Sally Field when she won her first award, "You like me, you really like me!" Thank you God for all that you have given me. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of all the wonderful people that are showing me my gifts and helping me find my confidence again.
Now I am faced with some wonderful opportunities that will lead in different directions. Both of them seem scary to me and I question my abilities. Now I need to learn how to look into my heart and see the one that feels like the right fit. Now is the time to learn to trust the process and continue to believe that God and the universe will bring everything together when the time is right. So now, I am learning to "go with the flow" and to enjoy the ride.
I set out on this journey to follow my heart and find my passions. I did many informational interviews and learned that most people who found a career that they love seemed to fall into it. After all of my introspection and analysis, I still can not fit myself neatly into a function, like marketing, finance, or accounting. In this black and white world, all I know for sure is that I am a shade of gray, blue, yellow, green, or pink, depending on my mood for the day.
Here is what I know about myself so far:
1. I have a passion for health and fitness. I must exercise each day because it makes me feel confident, energized, and strong.
2. I love to learn new things and have a variety of interests. I lose myself while reading good books, browsing through magazines, and mindlessly doing crossword puzzles.
3. I feel energized by connecting with other people and helping them solve problems; I want to make a difference in another person's life.
4. I need to work with smart people who are passionate about what they do in order to learn and grow.
5. Routines bring me comfort and help me feel in control in the chaos within the world today. I naturally put process in place when faced with ambiguity and chaos.
6. Balance is important to me. I work hard, but I also need time to myself to re-energize, reflect, and have fun.
Now I can apply these things in many ways. But maybe, my journey right now is not to find the "perfect" job for me, rather, to learn to trust myself. My journey is to rediscover my confidence and what I really want to do, then trust myself that I will make it happen.
For the first time in my life, people see all of my potential and actually want me to work for them. Today I feel like Sally Field when she won her first award, "You like me, you really like me!" Thank you God for all that you have given me. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of all the wonderful people that are showing me my gifts and helping me find my confidence again.
Now I am faced with some wonderful opportunities that will lead in different directions. Both of them seem scary to me and I question my abilities. Now I need to learn how to look into my heart and see the one that feels like the right fit. Now is the time to learn to trust the process and continue to believe that God and the universe will bring everything together when the time is right. So now, I am learning to "go with the flow" and to enjoy the ride.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Courage
I wish that I was one of those adventurous people who have the confidence and courage to move to a new city and start a new life. When I graduated from college, I admired my friends and peers who decided to pack their bags and move to New York City to start their careers. Even though they had no friends, no job, and no clue of what they would do when they arrived, they didn't give into fear. They followed their hearts and knew that they would find a job and make a life in their new city.
When I graduated from college, I made the practical, safe choice and moved back home to live with my mom. Home was where I felt safe and secure. I have always been a shy, self-conscious girl who always follows the rules and consistently does what is expected.
Now I wish I would have taken bigger risks and planned my life based on what I was interested in, rather than what was the safe or practical thing to do. I would have spread my wings and moved to a different city where I had no friends and no idea of what career to pursue. I would apply for jobs that seemed like a stretch for my skills, such as becoming a journalist or magazine editor. It wouldn't matter where I started, if I worked hard and enjoyed the experience, I would end up somewhere great.
Maybe if I would have taken that leap of faith and moved to a new city, I would have gained self confidence, self-assurance, and trust - trust in myself that I can make it by following my heart. Perhaps I would not over-analyze everything that happens because I will have learned that everything will work out in time. Maybe I would not still feel like that shy, self-conscious little girl that is too afraid to venture far from home and step outside the box.
I know that it is never to late to change. It is never to late to pack my bags and move to a new city to start over, to re-invent myself. Where would I go? What would I do when I got there? The possibilities are endless and overwhelming. All I know for sure is that I need to start stretching myself to try things that seem scary and impractical because I want to gain confidence in my abilities and to learn to trust my instincts. To trust that I can make it in this world on my own by living for the experience, even if it means doing what seems impractical.
When I graduated from college, I made the practical, safe choice and moved back home to live with my mom. Home was where I felt safe and secure. I have always been a shy, self-conscious girl who always follows the rules and consistently does what is expected.
Now I wish I would have taken bigger risks and planned my life based on what I was interested in, rather than what was the safe or practical thing to do. I would have spread my wings and moved to a different city where I had no friends and no idea of what career to pursue. I would apply for jobs that seemed like a stretch for my skills, such as becoming a journalist or magazine editor. It wouldn't matter where I started, if I worked hard and enjoyed the experience, I would end up somewhere great.
Maybe if I would have taken that leap of faith and moved to a new city, I would have gained self confidence, self-assurance, and trust - trust in myself that I can make it by following my heart. Perhaps I would not over-analyze everything that happens because I will have learned that everything will work out in time. Maybe I would not still feel like that shy, self-conscious little girl that is too afraid to venture far from home and step outside the box.
I know that it is never to late to change. It is never to late to pack my bags and move to a new city to start over, to re-invent myself. Where would I go? What would I do when I got there? The possibilities are endless and overwhelming. All I know for sure is that I need to start stretching myself to try things that seem scary and impractical because I want to gain confidence in my abilities and to learn to trust my instincts. To trust that I can make it in this world on my own by living for the experience, even if it means doing what seems impractical.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Perfectionism
Perfectionism. It drives me crazy. I struggle with feeling that I need to be perfect. It is my curse. When I am asked to perform, whether in sports, in school, or on the job, I become paralyzed by my fear of not being "good enough". The harder I try to be perfect, the worse I perform.
I have to prepare a mini-case study for a job interview and once again, I am terrified by thought because my drive to make it "perfect" has taken over. My ideas come to me with ease, but when I try to organize my thoughts on paper, I am lost. The words come out in a chaotic mess that brings me to tears.
Mistakes. I wish I could let myself make them. I have an inner rebellious child inside that wants to run into the world and make mistakes. To spend money on frivolous and fun items that I want, but do not need. To lay around reading a book or watching a movie, rather than looking for a job. To let my uncontrollable hair hang freely, rather than pulling it back into a neat pony tail to disguise the kinks. To sleep late. To have my toes pampered and painted pink at luxurious spa, even though it is cheaper to polish them on my own.
Responsibility to do the right thing and please others. I feel I need to be the responsible one. The one who saves for the future, spends her money wisely, gets a good education, works hard to find a job each day. I want to take a break from my typical "responsible" self and learn to be free. My need to be responsible feeds my perfectionism. My need to be responsible restricts my inner child who wants to have fun. Maybe it is time to let my inner child run free, to start expressing myself the way I want to, rather than how I think I should in order to attain the approval of some external critic.
Maybe part of my lesson right now is to learn to make mistakes and to let go of what other people think. Yes there are critics out there, but I will never please everyone. Susan Boyle is my new inspiration. She seems like a woman who is comfortable with who she is and has a dream, to become the next Ellen Page. The harsh critics of the world tried to bring her down due to her "frumpy" clothes, bushy eyebrows, and frizzy hair. But, Susan did not succumb to her critics, she sang from her heart and delivered a beautiful performance. No, Susan isn't perfect, but she has a voice that captured the hearts of millions of people across the world.
Maybe in order to find the job that will make me feel calm and confident inside, I need to present myself just the way I am - imperfect. If I speak and write from my heart, I will be honest and true to myself. When I meet the person who sees my potential and accepts me the way I am today with all of my imperfections, I will land the job that will twinkle my toes. So, now I will write my mini-case answers based on what my heart thinks and see what happens.
I have to prepare a mini-case study for a job interview and once again, I am terrified by thought because my drive to make it "perfect" has taken over. My ideas come to me with ease, but when I try to organize my thoughts on paper, I am lost. The words come out in a chaotic mess that brings me to tears.
Mistakes. I wish I could let myself make them. I have an inner rebellious child inside that wants to run into the world and make mistakes. To spend money on frivolous and fun items that I want, but do not need. To lay around reading a book or watching a movie, rather than looking for a job. To let my uncontrollable hair hang freely, rather than pulling it back into a neat pony tail to disguise the kinks. To sleep late. To have my toes pampered and painted pink at luxurious spa, even though it is cheaper to polish them on my own.
Responsibility to do the right thing and please others. I feel I need to be the responsible one. The one who saves for the future, spends her money wisely, gets a good education, works hard to find a job each day. I want to take a break from my typical "responsible" self and learn to be free. My need to be responsible feeds my perfectionism. My need to be responsible restricts my inner child who wants to have fun. Maybe it is time to let my inner child run free, to start expressing myself the way I want to, rather than how I think I should in order to attain the approval of some external critic.
Maybe part of my lesson right now is to learn to make mistakes and to let go of what other people think. Yes there are critics out there, but I will never please everyone. Susan Boyle is my new inspiration. She seems like a woman who is comfortable with who she is and has a dream, to become the next Ellen Page. The harsh critics of the world tried to bring her down due to her "frumpy" clothes, bushy eyebrows, and frizzy hair. But, Susan did not succumb to her critics, she sang from her heart and delivered a beautiful performance. No, Susan isn't perfect, but she has a voice that captured the hearts of millions of people across the world.
Maybe in order to find the job that will make me feel calm and confident inside, I need to present myself just the way I am - imperfect. If I speak and write from my heart, I will be honest and true to myself. When I meet the person who sees my potential and accepts me the way I am today with all of my imperfections, I will land the job that will twinkle my toes. So, now I will write my mini-case answers based on what my heart thinks and see what happens.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Finding a Mentor
I am so proud of my two cousins TJ and Brian. Both have made choices in their lives that have resulted in challenging circumstances that they may not have intended on. I am proud of their courage and persistance to overcome these difficult situations. TJ found the strength to raise his two young girls after losing his one true love, the mother of his girls, to cancer. TJ who spent over a year struggling to find work was given an opportunity to work in a law office and pursue an education in criminal justice. Brian left his college basketball scholarship and career because it was not a good fit. He struggled to make a living in the restaurant industry and was recently given the opportunity to get into bar management. Both TJ and Brian found mentors who took a chance on them and set them on their paths to bright and successful futures.
I am looking for my mentor. Someone who will see my education, experience, and desire to work hard and learn as assets. Someone who will accept me for who I am and teach me how to become a star. Someone who will see my potential rather than what I lack in experience.
This job search is hard. Recruiters and hiring managers tell me that their are many "well-qualified" candidates. When I hear these words, my mind fills with fear that I am not "good enough". Will my resume pass the initial screening test? Do I have the right education and work experience? Will the interviewers look past my less than eloquent answers to see that I am really a diamond in the rough? I am a diamond who needs a little polish to turn into a star.
Yes, I know that I may not have the perfect resume, nor will I be able to "sell myself" as well as other candidates. But, I am unique. I have a breadth of business experience from marketing and finance. I am motivated to learn and try new things. This is why I am looking for my mentor who can polish my rough spots and set me on my path to becoming a star.
I am looking for my mentor. Someone who will see my education, experience, and desire to work hard and learn as assets. Someone who will accept me for who I am and teach me how to become a star. Someone who will see my potential rather than what I lack in experience.
This job search is hard. Recruiters and hiring managers tell me that their are many "well-qualified" candidates. When I hear these words, my mind fills with fear that I am not "good enough". Will my resume pass the initial screening test? Do I have the right education and work experience? Will the interviewers look past my less than eloquent answers to see that I am really a diamond in the rough? I am a diamond who needs a little polish to turn into a star.
Yes, I know that I may not have the perfect resume, nor will I be able to "sell myself" as well as other candidates. But, I am unique. I have a breadth of business experience from marketing and finance. I am motivated to learn and try new things. This is why I am looking for my mentor who can polish my rough spots and set me on my path to becoming a star.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
What is my purpose?
How do I find my purpose in life? What are my gifts? What am I meant to do? “The Power of Positive Thinking”, “The Passion Test”, The Purpose Driven Life”, “Now Discover Your Strengths” – books that are supposed to clarify my purpose. I read them all. I have taken the Strengths test three times, worked with a strengths coach, and taken multiple assessment tests. After all of this self-analysis and introspection, I am still just as lost as when I started, except now I have a major headache. This over thinking has gotten me nowhere. I will never have a sudden spark of clarity and say, “aha, now I know exactly what I am meant to do.” It is all about responding to the moment and experimentation.
Maybe life is really simple. Your purpose will change depending on the situation. I believe your purpose is related to your goals in life and what you want to accomplish. Right now, my goal is to find a job at a company that provides balance, direction, variety, financial security, and the opportunity to learn and grow. I am interested in health and fitness, social psychology, sociology, and consumer behavior. Hopefully I can find a job that will allow me to do what I am interested in. My purpose is to meet with people who have job opportunities that sound interesting, send out resumes, go through interviews, and stay open to different types of experiences that come my way.
I believe you may have multiple purposes related to different areas of your life. For example, today my purpose was to clean my house. I felt energized as I swept the floors, scrubbed the bathroom, folded the laundry, and vacuumed the carpet. My beautiful condo is now sparkling clean and I accomplished my goal – to rid my home of dirt and grime.
I believe your purpose in life is to respond to the situation that you are faced with in the given moment. Your purpose is to “walk the walk” and perform each activity with heart, whether it’s listening to a friend, washing a dish, or making copies for an important business meeting. No task is unimportant or too small.
I am done with self-analysis and personal reflection. My purpose in life is to set goals for what I want to do and take actions to achieve them. Maybe my purpose in this job search is to try different experiments to find the job that energizes me and gives me the life I desire – one of simplicity, balance, and fun.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
What does life mean to me?
What does life mean to me? This is a difficult question. For a long time my life has felt like a tornado whirling out of control. I have lived my life to please others and ran from one thing, be it a job, activity, or thought, to another without a sense of direction. My thoughts whirl around in my head trying to figure out what will bring me stability and contentment. My racing thoughts only make me more lost and confused.
Perhaps life is a like the ocean. Some days the waves are rocky and you struggle to keep afloat. Other days the water is smooth as glass and you easily glide along at peace. Right now my ocean feels kind of like a tsunami and I can't see where to swim in order to reach the calm waters. I know I must be patient and persistent because I will eventually swim to my place of peace and contentment. Maybe my current challenge is to learn how to ride out the waves because eventually they will carry me to the shore where I will feel stable and content once again.
Perhaps life is a like the ocean. Some days the waves are rocky and you struggle to keep afloat. Other days the water is smooth as glass and you easily glide along at peace. Right now my ocean feels kind of like a tsunami and I can't see where to swim in order to reach the calm waters. I know I must be patient and persistent because I will eventually swim to my place of peace and contentment. Maybe my current challenge is to learn how to ride out the waves because eventually they will carry me to the shore where I will feel stable and content once again.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Oops. . . My Mistake
For the past 4 years I have been restless and unhappy. However, I created my own discontent and sadness. I closed myself off from opportunities to learn new things and built a steel wall of resistance around myself when I left a job that I loved at General Mills to attend MBA School. I locked myself into a box and hid the key. I did not know what I wanted to do for a career, but rather than let myself explore different options while I was in school, I let my head convince me that I would go into finance no matter what. Oops, I made a mistake.
God sent me clear messages that I ignored and over time, the pain and discomfort grew stronger with each passing day. The more I resisted what I was experiencing, the restlessness and sense of loss intensified. As I walked away from the path of what my heart wanted, I felt more lost and confused. I did not give myself the opportunity to learn and to stay open to the opportunities that I was given.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed for how I was living. Today is my chance for a rebirth, a chance for forgiveness. Today I will break down my wall of resistance and start over. I will remain open to each opportunity that comes my way. I will be open to change and take it as a chance to learn something new. Today is the day to say "what can I learn from this" rather than resisting what feels uncomfortable.
I still feel lost, but I know that if I remain open and optimistic, God will lead me to an opportunity that will allow me to use my gifts and inspire me. Who knows, perhaps I made the right decision to go into finance, however, I did not go into it with an open mind. I did not give myself the opportunity to learn.
So, today I will start anew, pick myself up, and walk through each door that opens because one door will get back on my path to happiness again.
God sent me clear messages that I ignored and over time, the pain and discomfort grew stronger with each passing day. The more I resisted what I was experiencing, the restlessness and sense of loss intensified. As I walked away from the path of what my heart wanted, I felt more lost and confused. I did not give myself the opportunity to learn and to stay open to the opportunities that I was given.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed for how I was living. Today is my chance for a rebirth, a chance for forgiveness. Today I will break down my wall of resistance and start over. I will remain open to each opportunity that comes my way. I will be open to change and take it as a chance to learn something new. Today is the day to say "what can I learn from this" rather than resisting what feels uncomfortable.
I still feel lost, but I know that if I remain open and optimistic, God will lead me to an opportunity that will allow me to use my gifts and inspire me. Who knows, perhaps I made the right decision to go into finance, however, I did not go into it with an open mind. I did not give myself the opportunity to learn.
So, today I will start anew, pick myself up, and walk through each door that opens because one door will get back on my path to happiness again.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Back to Reality
I am back in
As my days in
When I stepped off the airplane into the
Perhaps
The end of winter brings a transition period and the birth of spring. The trees, flowers, birds, and rabbits blossom into new life as the sun warms the air. Soon,
Perhaps just as new life emerges in the spring, my new purpose and job will come to life. Maybe I will be able to find that job that will give me balance, variety, direction, creativity, and the ability to learn and help others grow. The tears and fear I feel inside will soon disappear and a calm, content, and energized heart will emerge.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Carmella
It all started with a conversation with Carmella, an astrologer in April 2008. Carmella opened my eyes to my creative, intuitive, feminine spirit that I kept locked away in a box deep inside. She opened my secret box and sent me on my path to reconnect with what my heart wants based on how the stars aligned on the day I was born. I wonder what the stars would say today and this is my version of "Emily's Astrological Update".
You are going through a major life transition right now and the next year will bring many changes. The road will be rocky and unstable, but if you trust your creative intuition, you will find comfort, stability, and joy. You crave structure and financial stability and unfortunately, I can not give this to you at this time. Money will come in and out of your life over the next year and I can not give you the financial stability that you desire until the end of the year. Perhaps this financial stability will come in the form of a new job opportunity that shows up.
You are highly creative with many talents. You are smart and have the potential to achieve great financial success using your creative intuition. However, you struggle with a lack of confidence and belief in your creative talents. In order to find the comfort, stability, and joy that you are looking for, you need to learn to trust yourself and lean into your fear of not being good enough.
You are meant to be given things in life and you need to learn to accept the help of others. People will come into your life over the next few months that can help you find new opportunities that will allow you to pursue your creative passions. You must walk through every door that opens and be open to what shows up. Each door will lead you closer to the job that will twinkle your toes and inspire your creative spirit.
Your karmic challenge is to learn how to trust your intuition and your heart. You will be tested over the next year by people and opportunities that will lead you farther away from your path to happiness and comfort. You must resist temptation and your need to please others on this journey. Now is the time to lean into the discomfort and trust your instincts, even if it seems unconventional or different from what others tell you to do.
If you can follow the unconventional path, you will find the job opportunity that gives you all that you are looking for - balance, variety, creativity, financial security, and the ability to help other people achieve success. The journey will be easy if you can shed your old ways of thinking and start following and trusting your heart. The journey will feel painful and filled with resistance, if you choose to continue to let your fears force you to pursue something to fit in order to please others. Over the next year you need to lean into the discomfort and do something each day that scares you. This will build your self-confidence and lead you to a life filled with happiness, comfort, and stability.
"Emily's Carmella Update" may be a fiction of my imagination, but I hope down to my toes that if I follow Carmella's advice, I will find my happiness. So, my first task is to do something each day that scares me.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
My Retirement Job
One of my friends who has an advanced business degree left a job that did not make him happy in order to find something new. He had been looking for new jobs in Finance for a while and recently decided that he didn't have to wait to pursue his "retirement job". He decided that he can go after his dream of working with his hands and becoming a residential contractor today. I am so proud of him for going after his dream. He has re-packaged his education, experience, and interests into a new career. This made me wonder, what is my "retirement job"?
I have always loved psychology and helping other people work through problems and sometimes, I think it would be fun to become a psychologist when I retire from the business world someday. I would open a small practice and help people work through major transitions in their lives, such as leaving a career, dealing with the loss of a loved one, leaving a bad relationship, processing a health issue like cancer, or building self-confidence. Perhaps I would set up a little booth on the beach like Lucy in the "Peanuts" cartoons offering my psychiatric services for $0.25 a session. It would feel amazing to have a job where I could say "I make people feel better one hour at a time". I worry about how to make this dream a reality. Do I want to go back to school and pursue further education when I recently invested a lot time and money in a MBA? How will I make enough money to have the financial security that I desire? Is now the time to make such a drastic career change?
Then I dream about starting my own little business called "Cupcake Dreams". I picture a small shop filled with bright colors where kids, parents, and friends could come together to create their own cupcakes. Since I have a passion for health and fitness, I would differentiate myself by developing healthy cupcake recipes and using only the finest ingredients. "Cupcake Dreams" would be a safe place where you are free to express your individuality one cupcake at a time. Chocolate, vanilla, marble, cinnamon, strawberry, peanut butter surprise, just select your yummy cake flavor. Then you mix up the ingredients and pop it in the oven. Now the fun begins as you ice your cupcake with chocolate, vanilla, whip cream, or strawberry frosting and decorate with fun sprinkles, fruit, or candies. After all, who doesn't love to be creative, get dirty, and eat sugar with the ones they love. Once again I question if I really want to start my own business and invest many hours planning and running the operations, when I really crave a balanced simple life. Do I have the ambition to start my own business? Would I want to invest the time and money into something that may or may not be a success?
Like my friend, I am looking for my "residential contractor" job. I am searching for something that will allow me to re-package my education, experience, and interests into a job that will twinkle my toes and inspire me to wake up each day. I am want a job that will allow me to work with smart, talented people who respect my values for balance and simplicity. I am looking for something that will give me variety and allow me to express my creativity, as well as provide financial security. Now, I need to start the search and see if I can make my "retirement job" whatever that may be a reality.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Dreams
At times I like to dream about who I would be and what I would do if I could step into an imaginary world and have a new life. The answer is simple. . . I would be a dancer. First I would make my debut as a corps dancer in a small ballet and jazz company. Then I would leap onto the stage as a member of a Broadway Musical like "A Chorus Line", "Cats", or "Fosse". Finally, I would waltz into the ballroom and take a spin on "Dancing With the Stars".
I love to dance. The music comes into my body, awakens my soul and inspires me to express myself through movement. I love the fluidity and grace that comes with dance. I took ballet and jazz lessons as a child. I wasn't the best dancer, but it didn't matter. I found pure joy in each plie, jete, and pirouette.
I never wanted to be the star dancer, rather I loved being a strong member of the corps. I like to create harmony and bring color and life to the stage by supporting the prima ballerina. I believe each dancer has a role to play in any performance and I strive to be the best corps dancer on the stage.
In life I believe there is a need for stars, the leaders, and supporters. My goal in life is to help make the "star" shine brighter.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Stretch Dreams
Today I applied for a job that I have no relevant experience for, but believe that I have all the required skills that would be needed to be successful. In order to figure out what I want to do next, I need to stretch myself, dream big, and apply for jobs that sound interesting, even if they seem outside the realm of possibility. Today I applied to be the Features and Entertainment Editor for the Naples Daily News.
I have never written for a newspaper and I have never been published. However, I LOVE to listen to people's stories and inspire others through writing. Editors need to generate innovative story ideas, direct planning of editorials and reviews, and adhere to tight deadlines. Newspaper readership is on the decline and budgets are tight. In my opinion, a newspaper needs an Editor with a non-traditional background to come in and bring new life to the paper on a shoestring budget. I believe my education and experience make me a great candidate for the job.
I worked on a major brand repositioning for a kid yogurt brand at General Mills and can transfer this skill to the editorial world. I am full of ideas that would bring stories of hope and inspiration to the Naples community. Stories that feature new entrepreneurs who are following their passions by opening new restaurants with tantalizing dishes, creating lively music that inspire people to dance, and writing engaging novels. I believe heartwarming stories are needed to bring hope back to Americans who have stopped reading the news due to the extreme focus on the dismal economy and rampant job losses.
I am highly disciplined and detail oriented and was known to develop and manage project timelines while I was in MBA School. I also learned the importance of data accuracy and how to respond quickly to changes in order to meet tight deadlines while working on the Financial Planning and Analysis team at Best Buy. Discipline, flexibility, and integrity are three skills that are needed in order to be a successful Editor.
I am a quick learner who is motivated to work hard and bring a new perspective to the Naples News or whatever next job that I land. I am looking for a person to take a chance on a creative spirit who has a passion to write stories about people, brands, financial results, and to help others be successful.
While I know that this job opportunity is a long shot, it taught me how to open my eyes to different types of jobs. I have always taken the road less traveled and believe that the right job for me is something I have yet to discover. I believe in order to get what I want, I must dream BIG and reach for the moon. If I cast my net wide and remain open, I will surely capture a STAR opportunity.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Minnesota Nice
I was born and raised in Minnesota and have lived there my entire life, except for the four years when I ventured across the border to attend the University of Wisconsin - Madison. Minnesota is known for its long, bitterly cold winters. Winters where you step outside on a crisp, sunny January day and are met with a sharp -20 degree wind chill that rattles your bones. People embrace the indoors and scurry in and out of cars wrapped in thick hats, down parkas, wool mittens, and Ugg boots. It never ceases to amaze me when I see people sporting shorts and t-shirts on the first 40 degree day of the season.
Despite the cold, one thing that I love about Minnesota is the warmth and kindness of the local inhabitants' hearts and souls. Minnesotans are open and friendly too all; maybe this is because they crave social connections during the long winter hibernation periods. You are free and encouraged to strike up a conversation with a local shop owner, cashier, or elevator companion. If you struggle with what to say, the weather is always a trusted topic du jour.
As a curious explorer, I love meeting new people while out and about and learning about their interests, careers, dreams, and other random thoughts. There is a strong sense of community and support linking Minnesotans together.
My recent visit to Florida provides a stark contrast to my Minnesota home. First and foremost, the weather is a tropical relief from the drastic cold. Each day I embrace and cherish the warm, sunny weather as I walk briskly on the beach, admiring the waves crashing against the shore. The sun radiates from the sky and wraps around me like a thick down blanket, warming me to the core. It amazes me to see people bundled up in sweatshirts, jeans, hats and mittens when the temperature dips below 60 degrees on a bright February day.
Each afternoon I head to the pool and hope to indulge in friendly conversation with the regular snowbirds. I fantasize about their prior careers that led them to the lap of luxury enjoying endless rounds of golf, games of tennis, walks on the beach, and cocktails by the pool. My curiosity is left unfulfilled as I quickly learn that I am viewed as an outside who doesn't fit in their inner circle. To them, I am simply a passing visitor enjoying a short break in paradise.
Even when I venture into the shops or visit the local grocery store, I am faced with blank stares and cold, terse responses when I try to engage in conversation with the employees. People seem so guarded and cold here, as if they are wishing to conceal their stories and dreams, only revealing them to tight circle of trusted friends.
Why is a place that is filled with warm sunshine inhabited by people who seem so distrustful and quiet? Perhaps it is the nature of tourism. Why open the door to friendship when a stranger may simply be passing through? I notice people walk on the beach trapped in their own worlds rather than admiring and engaging in the serene environment around them.
While I despise and dread the long Minnesota winters, I cherish the warmth of the people and the sense of community. It fills me with comfort and security to know that I can always count on a kind stranger to offer a friendly smile and helpful hand when I feel lost and alone. The weather and scenery of Florida is beautiful, but for some reason it feels so cold and lonely among the crowds of people basking in the sunshine.
Perhaps we all should embrace the Minnesota spirit and offer a friendly smile and kind hello to those we meet, especially during today's dreary economic times. Who knows when you will warm the heart of a lonely soul simply by engaging and appreciating a passing stranger with a warm hello. Today I embraced my Minnesota roots and offered a heartfelt smile to those I met along the beach. I hope to spread some Minnesota cheer to the snowbirds and travelers while I spend my lazy days in the paradise of Naples, Florida.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
My career story
Lately, I have interviewed people to find out how and why they got into their careers. It is interesting to hear their stories and find the commonalities between people who go into finance or marketing. I would like to share my story.
When I went to the University of Wisconsin - Madison for college, I thought I wanted to be a doctor. A counselor recommended that I take chemistry 101; if I enjoyed it and did well, this was a sign that the medical field was right for me. I did very well in chemistry, but hated the class and found it extremely boring. I also have a strong aversion to blood and bodily fluids, so I quickly ruled out medical school and nursing. I fell in love with psychology, but did not know what I would do with a psychology degree. As a practical person, I decided to major in business because I would find a job upon graduation. I considered majoring in accounting because I am good at math and knew it was in high demand, but once again I found the subject matter to be boring. I decided to focus on marketing because it allowed me to apply my interest in psychology and to satisfy my endless curiosity of figuring out why people make decisions and buy certain products.
I graduated in 2002 when the job market was depressed and the only business grads that were in demand were those finance and accounting folks. I took an entry level job in accounts payable at General Mills to get my foot in the door at a large, well-respected company. I figured I would put in my time in AP and more to a more glamorous marketing role within a year. My plan worked out perfectly and I moved into a budget management role in the Yoplait division. My manager saw my desire to learn and gave me the opportunity to manage the Yoplait Yumsters brand. I fell in love with Yumsters and spent my days watching toddlers and their moms shop in order to figure out how to revitalize this struggling brand. My instinct told me to add Dora to the package and focus on those savvy toddlers who are great at convincing their Moms to buy the Dora yogurt. Dora worked her magic and turned Yumsters into a star.
I am a quick learner who craved more responsibility, so I moved to a similar role in Big G cereal. I managed the Monsters cereal franchise, but with limited spending, could not incorporate my retro package redesign ideas to revitalize the iconic Boo Berry, Frankenberry, and Count Chocula brands. I knew I could not progress to a higher position in my current job, so I decided to get my MBA. However, I didn't consider whether or not I even wanted to get my MBA. The Carlson School of Management tempted me with a scholarship offer that I could not refuse, so I left a company and job that I loved and headed back to school.
Here is where my career story takes a turn away from my heart. As a very practical person, I told myself that I must major in finance because no matter what happened in the economy, finance people would always be in demand. I was still fascinated by my marketing classes and easily completed the assignments and exams. The subject matter was intuitive to me and aligned with my psychology interests. I struggled to stay awake in my finance courses and spent hours trying to grasp WAAC, IRR, ROIC, and Betas. I envied my finance peers who built complicated models and tracked the stock market with intensity. During my interviews, my face would light up as I enthusiastically shared my Yumsters story. I struggled to explain how I was the perfect candidate to build those complicated financial models that would calculate how much money a capital investment would yield.
Best Buy took a chance on me and was attracted to my passion and ability to establish structure in an environment that had none. My internship focused on analyzing customer purchase behavior, so I thought maybe finance might work. However, my gut felt uneasy as I felt deflated after spending hours staring at data in Excel. Something didn't feel right, but I decided to accept a full-time job offer at Best Buy because I needed a job and enjoyed the people that I met there.
On my first day of work in my new role as a senior financial analyst on the Financial Planning & Analysis team, I enthusiastically tried to offer to help and learn. My instinct told me that this didn't feel right, but I chose to ignore it and persistently tried to make the job fit. I had a hard time adapting to the work environment and spent many hours trying to make sense of all the numbers. My motivation and enthusiasm disappeared and I knew that I my heart was not fulfilled.
I recently did an informational interview with the VP of marketing that I use to work for at General Mills. She told me that at one point in her career, she was not happy and needed to take a break. She said that the people she worked with were great, but the culture was wearing her down. I realize now that the culture at Best Buy was not a good fit for me. The lack of discipline and structure and constant change wore me down. I was not performing to my best ability and was dissatisfied, as I felt that I continuously tried to figure out what people needed, providing help, and receiving no feedback. I was not learning and my burning desire to help others was left unsatisfied. The only thing that kept me going and trying to make the situation better week after week was the amazing people who I worked with. Always willing to help and a passion to be the best made my fellow co-workers great.
Now I feel lost and scared, as I know the job search will be challenging and I still do not have a clear picture of what direction to go in. I hope that my plan to stay open to new experiences will lead me to something that feels like a good fit. It is time to listen to my gut and recognize when it feels uneasy. My head has a tendency to talk me into making the "practical" decision, but I will stay strong and hold out for what my heart desires. Life is a journey and I believe I will discover my true self one step at a time.
When I went to the University of Wisconsin - Madison for college, I thought I wanted to be a doctor. A counselor recommended that I take chemistry 101; if I enjoyed it and did well, this was a sign that the medical field was right for me. I did very well in chemistry, but hated the class and found it extremely boring. I also have a strong aversion to blood and bodily fluids, so I quickly ruled out medical school and nursing. I fell in love with psychology, but did not know what I would do with a psychology degree. As a practical person, I decided to major in business because I would find a job upon graduation. I considered majoring in accounting because I am good at math and knew it was in high demand, but once again I found the subject matter to be boring. I decided to focus on marketing because it allowed me to apply my interest in psychology and to satisfy my endless curiosity of figuring out why people make decisions and buy certain products.
I graduated in 2002 when the job market was depressed and the only business grads that were in demand were those finance and accounting folks. I took an entry level job in accounts payable at General Mills to get my foot in the door at a large, well-respected company. I figured I would put in my time in AP and more to a more glamorous marketing role within a year. My plan worked out perfectly and I moved into a budget management role in the Yoplait division. My manager saw my desire to learn and gave me the opportunity to manage the Yoplait Yumsters brand. I fell in love with Yumsters and spent my days watching toddlers and their moms shop in order to figure out how to revitalize this struggling brand. My instinct told me to add Dora to the package and focus on those savvy toddlers who are great at convincing their Moms to buy the Dora yogurt. Dora worked her magic and turned Yumsters into a star.
I am a quick learner who craved more responsibility, so I moved to a similar role in Big G cereal. I managed the Monsters cereal franchise, but with limited spending, could not incorporate my retro package redesign ideas to revitalize the iconic Boo Berry, Frankenberry, and Count Chocula brands. I knew I could not progress to a higher position in my current job, so I decided to get my MBA. However, I didn't consider whether or not I even wanted to get my MBA. The Carlson School of Management tempted me with a scholarship offer that I could not refuse, so I left a company and job that I loved and headed back to school.
Here is where my career story takes a turn away from my heart. As a very practical person, I told myself that I must major in finance because no matter what happened in the economy, finance people would always be in demand. I was still fascinated by my marketing classes and easily completed the assignments and exams. The subject matter was intuitive to me and aligned with my psychology interests. I struggled to stay awake in my finance courses and spent hours trying to grasp WAAC, IRR, ROIC, and Betas. I envied my finance peers who built complicated models and tracked the stock market with intensity. During my interviews, my face would light up as I enthusiastically shared my Yumsters story. I struggled to explain how I was the perfect candidate to build those complicated financial models that would calculate how much money a capital investment would yield.
Best Buy took a chance on me and was attracted to my passion and ability to establish structure in an environment that had none. My internship focused on analyzing customer purchase behavior, so I thought maybe finance might work. However, my gut felt uneasy as I felt deflated after spending hours staring at data in Excel. Something didn't feel right, but I decided to accept a full-time job offer at Best Buy because I needed a job and enjoyed the people that I met there.
On my first day of work in my new role as a senior financial analyst on the Financial Planning & Analysis team, I enthusiastically tried to offer to help and learn. My instinct told me that this didn't feel right, but I chose to ignore it and persistently tried to make the job fit. I had a hard time adapting to the work environment and spent many hours trying to make sense of all the numbers. My motivation and enthusiasm disappeared and I knew that I my heart was not fulfilled.
I recently did an informational interview with the VP of marketing that I use to work for at General Mills. She told me that at one point in her career, she was not happy and needed to take a break. She said that the people she worked with were great, but the culture was wearing her down. I realize now that the culture at Best Buy was not a good fit for me. The lack of discipline and structure and constant change wore me down. I was not performing to my best ability and was dissatisfied, as I felt that I continuously tried to figure out what people needed, providing help, and receiving no feedback. I was not learning and my burning desire to help others was left unsatisfied. The only thing that kept me going and trying to make the situation better week after week was the amazing people who I worked with. Always willing to help and a passion to be the best made my fellow co-workers great.
Now I feel lost and scared, as I know the job search will be challenging and I still do not have a clear picture of what direction to go in. I hope that my plan to stay open to new experiences will lead me to something that feels like a good fit. It is time to listen to my gut and recognize when it feels uneasy. My head has a tendency to talk me into making the "practical" decision, but I will stay strong and hold out for what my heart desires. Life is a journey and I believe I will discover my true self one step at a time.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saying Goodbye
Tomorrow is my last Monday at Best Buy. I am filled with mixed emotions - excitement for a new beginning, fear of finding a job in the current recession, sadness over leaving the wonderful people that I worked with. Work gave me a sense of purpose and structured my day. It was rewarding to earn money and support myself financially. Contributing ideas, providing insights, and helping others solve problems gave me a sense of satisfaction.
I am excited to have a break and time to figure out what type of job would make me happy again. However, I don't have a clear picture of what this might be and it is time to ask for help and to stay open to new opportunities. This is unfamiliar to me because I have always told myself that I need to figure things out on my own. I created a lot of resistance in my life and closed myself off to options that may have led me in a different direction. As I take this new beginning, I am going to accept the help of others and walk through any door that opens. I hope to enter a place that I cannot even imagine right now.
Walking into the unknown in today's economy is daunting. The unemployment figures make me nervous about finding that right opportunity. It is apparent how money really makes the world go round. When consumers lose confidence in their ability to earn money, they stop spending. Retailers lose sales and must adjust to a lower sales base by laying off employees. Vendors cut back production in order to reduce their inventory creating a potential shortage of product for retailers. The road ahead looks uncertain, but I am confident that the economy will turn around. I must remain patient and optimistic. I believe when the right opportunity arises, things will fall into place, despite what the economy looks like at the time.
Walking into something new means saying goodbye to the old. One of the wonderful things about Best Buy is the people. Everyone has a passion for helping others and developing new solutions to problems. Best Buy is open to new ideas and encourages employees to pursue their passions, as evident by the attractive buy out package. I met and worked with many amazing people and it will be hard to say goodbye at the end of the week.
While saying goodbye and walking into the unfamiliar is scary, I know that I made the right decision. The road I am about to travel will be rocky, but I believe that if I stay positive, ask for help, and stay open, it will lead me to what I really, really, really want. My next step is to walk away and not look back - no regrets.
I am excited to have a break and time to figure out what type of job would make me happy again. However, I don't have a clear picture of what this might be and it is time to ask for help and to stay open to new opportunities. This is unfamiliar to me because I have always told myself that I need to figure things out on my own. I created a lot of resistance in my life and closed myself off to options that may have led me in a different direction. As I take this new beginning, I am going to accept the help of others and walk through any door that opens. I hope to enter a place that I cannot even imagine right now.
Walking into the unknown in today's economy is daunting. The unemployment figures make me nervous about finding that right opportunity. It is apparent how money really makes the world go round. When consumers lose confidence in their ability to earn money, they stop spending. Retailers lose sales and must adjust to a lower sales base by laying off employees. Vendors cut back production in order to reduce their inventory creating a potential shortage of product for retailers. The road ahead looks uncertain, but I am confident that the economy will turn around. I must remain patient and optimistic. I believe when the right opportunity arises, things will fall into place, despite what the economy looks like at the time.
Walking into something new means saying goodbye to the old. One of the wonderful things about Best Buy is the people. Everyone has a passion for helping others and developing new solutions to problems. Best Buy is open to new ideas and encourages employees to pursue their passions, as evident by the attractive buy out package. I met and worked with many amazing people and it will be hard to say goodbye at the end of the week.
While saying goodbye and walking into the unfamiliar is scary, I know that I made the right decision. The road I am about to travel will be rocky, but I believe that if I stay positive, ask for help, and stay open, it will lead me to what I really, really, really want. My next step is to walk away and not look back - no regrets.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Ode to my Mom
My mom is the most amazing person that I know. She has a special quality about her that makes other people feel special when in her presence. She is open to new experiences and possibilities and accepts life as it comes. She is my role model and my friend. I want to dedicate this post to my Mom – my source of strength and support.
I love to watch my mom play with my cat Luci. She completely surrenders to the moment at this time. She enthusiastically opens her arms to embrace Luci, runs around the room with her feather toy, and gets down on the floor for an exciting game of fetch. Luci is overcome with excitement as she plays with my Mom. The best part of this interaction is the expression on my Mom’s face. Her eyes light up and her smile radiates from within – her love for Luci is apparent.
My mom also expresses energy and joy when visiting with her friends as she dedicates her full attention to the one she is with. She has an amazing ability to listen without judgment and make other people feel welcome in her presence. When she is with her friends, my mom lets her true personality show. She is filled with new ideas and opportunities for new experiences. It is so much fun to listen to the happiness in her voice after she visits with her friends.
What impresses me most about my mom is her patience and kind heart.
Throughout my entire life, she has supported and accepted me as I am. No matter how many times I have cried, she has always been there to dry my tears and lift me up. When I struggle with depression and feel lost and alone, I know I can count on my mom to give me hope that there are sunny days ahead. She gives me strength when I am weak. She helps guide me when I have lost my way and persistently encourages me to keep going after what my heart wants.
My mom has the greatest heart which loves all unconditionally. She is strong and persistent. When my grandparents got sick, she stopped at nothing to find the best doctors to relieve their pain. She remained at their sides and helped ease their anxieties until the end.
My mom is smart, beautiful, patient, and kind. I admire all that she is and aspire to be like her someday. My mom found her passion in marketing research. It allowed her to use her number one strength – listening – in order to discover what the customer really wants. She was a great success. I hope that I can find a job that will allow me to use my gifts. I want to make my mom proud. I can’t wait for the day when I can say, “Mom, guess what? I had the most amazing day at work. You were right, if you are patient and follow your heart, you will find the thing that makes you smile inside.”
I love you Mom, you mean the world to me and I hope you find your source of happiness too.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Power of Walking
I used to run. I loved to run. It made me feel powerful and free. So why do I choose to walk? The answer is simple, the pain became too great. Running, an exercise that brought me so much joy, suddenly brought me so much pain. It started in my right foot, moved into my left hip, and settled into my lower back. Each step sent pain throughout my body. The ache in my hip would creep in slowly and intensify throughout the day. So, one day I took a stand and said “I give up”. Today I will do something good for my body and I will walk.
Walking makes me feel powerful and strong. When I take off at a brisk pace while gazing at the early morning sunrise, I listen to the birds chirping and breathe in the fresh air. Walking keeps me thin and fit. It restores my soul and energizes my spirit. Best of all, it is pain free.
Some people say that walking is for wimps, but I disagree. According to Dr. Andrew Weil, brisk walking is the best form of exercise. It is easy and simple to do and it doesn’t cause long-term damage to the body. Walking is also great for your heart. It reduces the risk of developing a chronic disease like diabetes, cancer, or high blood pressure, helps you manage your weight, and alleviates symptoms of depression and anxiety. Daily walking is perhaps the best thing you can do to age gracefully and restore your soul. The
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Youthful Optimism
It is refreshing to watch new college graduates as they search for their first job and begin their careers. They are eager to apply all of the knowledge they gained in school and motivated to learn new things on the job. That first paycheck is a gratifying reward after years spent eating ramen noodles and drinking cheap beer.
First jobs provide an opportunity to learn and grow. However, the lessons you learn and skills you attain may be surprisingly different from what you imagined.
I graduated from the
One of my friend’s from high school secured a great financial analyst job at General Mills and referred me to an accounts payable position at the company. I wasn’t too excited about working in accounts payable, but I figured General Mills was a large, well-respected company and I would move to a better position in a year.
I was filled with nervous energy and excitement for all that I was about to learn when I started my job in the summer of 2002. However, my first job initially fell short of my expectations. I remember spending the first 2 weeks opening mail and placing bar codes on invoices, wondering if all the hard work I put in to school to graduate with honors was worth it. I was frustrated and craved more responsibility. I wanted a chance to show the company that I was bright, talented and full of ideas on how to sell more Yoplait yogurt and Cheerios cereal.
Despite my initial frustration, the accounts payable job taught me some very important lessons. First, I learned that no job or task is unimportant. Secondly, good customer service will take you far in building relationships with others who may help you in the future. Third, a company cannot survive unless they pay their debts. And perhaps the most important lesson I learned was that everyone, no matter what level or title, should be treated with respect – each person plays an important role in supporting the business operations.
After completing my year in accounts payable, I moved into a marketing budget management role in Yoplait. In this position, I was given the opportunity to apply all of my creative and intuitive skills to revitalize the Yoplait Yumsters toddler yogurt brand. This job satisfied my curiosity to answer the question “what do toddlers and their moms want”? The answer was simple – fun characters and good nutrition. My desire to learn and show my potential was finally realized . . . all it took was a little patience.
When I start my next job, I want to start over and find that youthful sense of optimism again. So as I search for my new beginning, I will remember these simple lessons:
· No job or task is unimportant – each person has a role to play
· Respect will take you far and help you build important relationships that may serve you well in the future
· No matter what your level of education, you can always learn something new
· Motivation and a willingness to learn can result in amazing opportunities
· Patience and persistence will lead you to the position and responsibilities that you crave
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Veil of Sadness
Over the past 4 years, I felt like I was wearing a black veil of sadness everywhere I went. I had taken a path that was not aligned with what my heart wanted and felt sad and restless inside. I am very disciplined and determined, so I forced myself to try harder to make MBA school and my job in finance fit. However, the more I forced myself to fit amongst my MBA and finance peers, the sadder I became. I felt like my bright, sunny, energetic self, slowly shrunk and was replaced by a slow, deflated, depressed twin.
As I think about the possibilities for the future, the veil is slowly lifting and color is coming back into my life. I am filled with endless ideas for different paths to follow. My energy is picking up and my stature is growing. While, I am still scared of the unknown, my heart is telling me that good things are going to materialize and support will show up, as long as I stay open and positive. I feel like a caged bird that is finally set free - free to pursue her dreams and find what makes her happy.
Have you ever felt or seen someone walking around with slumped shoulders, glazed eyes, merely going through the motions of life without feeling? They are out there wearing the veil of sadness. My wish is to inject courage and confidence in all of those trapped under the dark veil. While it is scary to remove the veil, open your heart, and step into the unknown, doing so will lead you to a place of vibrant colors and infinite possibilities. Finding the confidence to walk away from the situation that makes you unhappy will lead you to place of ease and contentment. So, it is time to lift the veil, unlock the cage and fly into the unknown.
As I think about the possibilities for the future, the veil is slowly lifting and color is coming back into my life. I am filled with endless ideas for different paths to follow. My energy is picking up and my stature is growing. While, I am still scared of the unknown, my heart is telling me that good things are going to materialize and support will show up, as long as I stay open and positive. I feel like a caged bird that is finally set free - free to pursue her dreams and find what makes her happy.
Have you ever felt or seen someone walking around with slumped shoulders, glazed eyes, merely going through the motions of life without feeling? They are out there wearing the veil of sadness. My wish is to inject courage and confidence in all of those trapped under the dark veil. While it is scary to remove the veil, open your heart, and step into the unknown, doing so will lead you to a place of vibrant colors and infinite possibilities. Finding the confidence to walk away from the situation that makes you unhappy will lead you to place of ease and contentment. So, it is time to lift the veil, unlock the cage and fly into the unknown.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
