Second Chances

I learned a very important lesson yesterday. Once again, I learned that I must make my own decisions and not base them on what other people would want me to do. Also, I learned that sometimes God gives us exactly what we want, but we do not recognize it because we are waiting for the idealized situation that we create in our minds.

I said "no" to a job opportunity because I was afraid to make a choice. I assumed the job would be similar to the one I just left based on a past experience that was very traumatic for me. I failed to see that it was the exact opportunity that I needed and I regret my decision.

I spoke with the director and received some great advice. Those who love their jobs do not over think and plan their careers in detail. They try something that sounds interesting and it turns into a career that they could never have imagined. They are satisfied with their choice. Others, like myself, obsess and plan their careers in detail trying so hard to find the "perfect" fit and wind up disappointed and discouraged because no job will meet that idealized scenario in their minds. Perhaps we discover our dream jobs by chance when we take a risk and try something that piques our curiosity.

A year ago I ran into a similar situation that I am facing today. I decided to adopt a kitten, Luci after many months of debate. I was not sure that I wanted a kitten, but I decided to do so after seeing the joy in my Mom's eyes when we played with the kittens at the Humane Society. At first I hated Luci and greatly regretted my decision. She was hyper-active, disrupted my calming yoga routine, and made a mess of my immaculately clean condo. I second guessed my decision and gave her back to the Humane Society in an attempt to restore the calm, perfect order in my home.

The next day I returned home from a stressful day at work and Luci was not there to greet me excitedly at the door. My heart ached when I realized that I had overlooked all of her positive gifts of companionship and unconditional love. I called the Humane Society and begged to get her back. After a few weeks, I got her and it was the best decision that I could make. Yes, Luci is a mischievous cat who loves to dance on the counters, steal razors from the shower, and throw her toys under the dryer. But she also greets me with excitement each time I open the door and patiently waits until my yoga session is complete, so she can curl up on my chest while I lay in corpse pose, offering lots of love, comfort, and joy. Luci added life and color to my home and gave me exactly what I needed . . . unconditional love and acceptance.

The job I passed up was exactly what I needed at this time. I wanted a job that was creative and analytical, working for a manager who would be a mentor to me and help nurture my gifts and build my confidence again. I passed on a job that would allow me to work for a manager that I admired with a team that accepted and respected me for what I could offer. I would have had many opportunities to learn and grow and perhaps help others solve problems. Now I want a second chance. While this job may not have been "perfect", like Luci, it would have given me exactly what I need at this time.