I just finished reading an inspirational book called "The Freedom Writers Diary". It is about a young English teacher named Erin Gruwell who is given a freshman class of "unteachable, at-risk" kids. These students come from diverse ethnic backgrounds and have dealt with family abuse, neglect, gang violence, and extreme poverty. These kids have lost hope in a brighter future and feel destined to a hard life of violence and discrimination.
Ms. Gruwell accepts, respects, and challenges the students to rise above race discrimination. She gives them hope and teaches them about the power of change. She believes in their potential and encourages her students to believe in themselves. Through reading novels such as "The Diary of Anne Frank" and "The Color Purple" the students learn how to stand up for what they believe in and to go after their dreams.
It was amazing to read the student journal entries and hear their stories of losing family members to gang violence, being evicted from their homes, and suffering from physical and sexual abuse. The students gained confidence during their high school careers, improved their grades, and successfully graduated onto college. They learned how to use their writing to fight back against discrimination and rise above their current situations.
Ms. Gruwell clearly lived out her passion in life - to help others achieve success and confidence. She had a gift for inspiring others to believe in themselves. I believe it would be very rewarding to find a job where I would have the opportunity to make people feel better about themselves and inspire positive change. I want to make a difference in another's life in someway.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Second Chances
I learned a very important lesson yesterday. Once again, I learned that I must make my own decisions and not base them on what other people would want me to do. Also, I learned that sometimes God gives us exactly what we want, but we do not recognize it because we are waiting for the idealized situation that we create in our minds.
I said "no" to a job opportunity because I was afraid to make a choice. I assumed the job would be similar to the one I just left based on a past experience that was very traumatic for me. I failed to see that it was the exact opportunity that I needed and I regret my decision.
I spoke with the director and received some great advice. Those who love their jobs do not over think and plan their careers in detail. They try something that sounds interesting and it turns into a career that they could never have imagined. They are satisfied with their choice. Others, like myself, obsess and plan their careers in detail trying so hard to find the "perfect" fit and wind up disappointed and discouraged because no job will meet that idealized scenario in their minds. Perhaps we discover our dream jobs by chance when we take a risk and try something that piques our curiosity.
A year ago I ran into a similar situation that I am facing today. I decided to adopt a kitten, Luci after many months of debate. I was not sure that I wanted a kitten, but I decided to do so after seeing the joy in my Mom's eyes when we played with the kittens at the Humane Society. At first I hated Luci and greatly regretted my decision. She was hyper-active, disrupted my calming yoga routine, and made a mess of my immaculately clean condo. I second guessed my decision and gave her back to the Humane Society in an attempt to restore the calm, perfect order in my home.
The next day I returned home from a stressful day at work and Luci was not there to greet me excitedly at the door. My heart ached when I realized that I had overlooked all of her positive gifts of companionship and unconditional love. I called the Humane Society and begged to get her back. After a few weeks, I got her and it was the best decision that I could make. Yes, Luci is a mischievous cat who loves to dance on the counters, steal razors from the shower, and throw her toys under the dryer. But she also greets me with excitement each time I open the door and patiently waits until my yoga session is complete, so she can curl up on my chest while I lay in corpse pose, offering lots of love, comfort, and joy. Luci added life and color to my home and gave me exactly what I needed . . . unconditional love and acceptance.
The job I passed up was exactly what I needed at this time. I wanted a job that was creative and analytical, working for a manager who would be a mentor to me and help nurture my gifts and build my confidence again. I passed on a job that would allow me to work for a manager that I admired with a team that accepted and respected me for what I could offer. I would have had many opportunities to learn and grow and perhaps help others solve problems. Now I want a second chance. While this job may not have been "perfect", like Luci, it would have given me exactly what I need at this time.
I said "no" to a job opportunity because I was afraid to make a choice. I assumed the job would be similar to the one I just left based on a past experience that was very traumatic for me. I failed to see that it was the exact opportunity that I needed and I regret my decision.
I spoke with the director and received some great advice. Those who love their jobs do not over think and plan their careers in detail. They try something that sounds interesting and it turns into a career that they could never have imagined. They are satisfied with their choice. Others, like myself, obsess and plan their careers in detail trying so hard to find the "perfect" fit and wind up disappointed and discouraged because no job will meet that idealized scenario in their minds. Perhaps we discover our dream jobs by chance when we take a risk and try something that piques our curiosity.
A year ago I ran into a similar situation that I am facing today. I decided to adopt a kitten, Luci after many months of debate. I was not sure that I wanted a kitten, but I decided to do so after seeing the joy in my Mom's eyes when we played with the kittens at the Humane Society. At first I hated Luci and greatly regretted my decision. She was hyper-active, disrupted my calming yoga routine, and made a mess of my immaculately clean condo. I second guessed my decision and gave her back to the Humane Society in an attempt to restore the calm, perfect order in my home.
The next day I returned home from a stressful day at work and Luci was not there to greet me excitedly at the door. My heart ached when I realized that I had overlooked all of her positive gifts of companionship and unconditional love. I called the Humane Society and begged to get her back. After a few weeks, I got her and it was the best decision that I could make. Yes, Luci is a mischievous cat who loves to dance on the counters, steal razors from the shower, and throw her toys under the dryer. But she also greets me with excitement each time I open the door and patiently waits until my yoga session is complete, so she can curl up on my chest while I lay in corpse pose, offering lots of love, comfort, and joy. Luci added life and color to my home and gave me exactly what I needed . . . unconditional love and acceptance.
The job I passed up was exactly what I needed at this time. I wanted a job that was creative and analytical, working for a manager who would be a mentor to me and help nurture my gifts and build my confidence again. I passed on a job that would allow me to work for a manager that I admired with a team that accepted and respected me for what I could offer. I would have had many opportunities to learn and grow and perhaps help others solve problems. Now I want a second chance. While this job may not have been "perfect", like Luci, it would have given me exactly what I need at this time.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Embracing fear
Today I took a big risk and said "no" to a job opportunity that did not feel like a good fit for me at this time. It was the hardest decision that I have had to make because I am left facing one of my biggest fears - not having a job. However, I set out on this journey to follow my heart. My heart sent me clear signals that I could not ignore telling me the job was not what I wanted.
In the past, I would have ignored what my heart was telling me and tried to make the best of the job. Yes, I know that I could have been pleasantly surprised and the job could have turned out to be just what I needed. However, I had too many red flags during the interview process that made me come to the decision to not take the job.
I still do not have a clear picture of what my ideal job would look like. I believe it will be something that I cannot imagine right now. I will walk into an environment and meet with people who are smart and share my values. It will be a comforting place where I will be able to learn and help others solve problems. I will be respected and appreciated for what I can do, rather than criticized for my weaknesses. I will be able to have balance in my life. The job will fall into place easily and I will be excited and energized by the opportunity.
I made my decision and I will not second guess. I will continue to focus on what I am looking for in a company and a job and trust that the right opportunity will be there when I am ready. Maybe this job opportunity was a test to see if I am committed to following my heart, rather than surrendering to my fears. Maybe right now, I need a little more time to heal.
In the past, I would have ignored what my heart was telling me and tried to make the best of the job. Yes, I know that I could have been pleasantly surprised and the job could have turned out to be just what I needed. However, I had too many red flags during the interview process that made me come to the decision to not take the job.
I still do not have a clear picture of what my ideal job would look like. I believe it will be something that I cannot imagine right now. I will walk into an environment and meet with people who are smart and share my values. It will be a comforting place where I will be able to learn and help others solve problems. I will be respected and appreciated for what I can do, rather than criticized for my weaknesses. I will be able to have balance in my life. The job will fall into place easily and I will be excited and energized by the opportunity.
I made my decision and I will not second guess. I will continue to focus on what I am looking for in a company and a job and trust that the right opportunity will be there when I am ready. Maybe this job opportunity was a test to see if I am committed to following my heart, rather than surrendering to my fears. Maybe right now, I need a little more time to heal.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Decision Time
I have to make a decision about a job opportunity tomorrow and I am filled with mixed emotions and anxiety. I have this strong urge in my gut that resists this job, telling me to "just say no". When I think rationally about the job, it has many possibilities. I really liked the person I would work for, the area within the company is growing, and there would be a lot of opportunities to learn and make an impact. However, the area is also very chaotic and facing too many demands right now.
Why do I feel such an intense aversion to accepting this job? This opportunity came quickly and easily. I do not feel ready to make a decision. I am afraid to say "no" and listen to my gut, when this job could turn out to be a pleasant surprise. I am also afraid to say "yes" and start working in an environment that is very stressful and chaotic, when I crave a simple, lower stress job that I do not have to take home at the end of the day. I need to keep balance in my life right now.
Do I want this job or is there something better out there waiting for me? Why can't I feel excitement about this opportunity? It feels so good to be wanted and appreciated for who I am and I have a hard time saying "no" to something that could be just what I need right now. I do not want to let my fear hold me back. I wish I could feel calm and comfortable with one decision or the other inside. I wish I had more clarity.
Tomorrow I need to say "yes" or "no". There is no wrong decision, each will lead me in a different direction. What is the right decision for me right now? I will tuck this decision in the back of my mind and hope that I will wake up tomorrow morning and know with certainty what answer is right for me. Whatever direction I choose to walk in, I will not look back or second guess. I will make the most of the experience and hope that it is a pleasant surprise.
Why do I feel such an intense aversion to accepting this job? This opportunity came quickly and easily. I do not feel ready to make a decision. I am afraid to say "no" and listen to my gut, when this job could turn out to be a pleasant surprise. I am also afraid to say "yes" and start working in an environment that is very stressful and chaotic, when I crave a simple, lower stress job that I do not have to take home at the end of the day. I need to keep balance in my life right now.
Do I want this job or is there something better out there waiting for me? Why can't I feel excitement about this opportunity? It feels so good to be wanted and appreciated for who I am and I have a hard time saying "no" to something that could be just what I need right now. I do not want to let my fear hold me back. I wish I could feel calm and comfortable with one decision or the other inside. I wish I had more clarity.
Tomorrow I need to say "yes" or "no". There is no wrong decision, each will lead me in a different direction. What is the right decision for me right now? I will tuck this decision in the back of my mind and hope that I will wake up tomorrow morning and know with certainty what answer is right for me. Whatever direction I choose to walk in, I will not look back or second guess. I will make the most of the experience and hope that it is a pleasant surprise.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Learning to Trust
The universe and God are very powerful and both work in mysterious ways. I am amazed and grateful for all of the people that have recently come into my life that are leading me closer to the job that I am looking for. Things are coming together and with less effort than I had anticipated based on all the dismal news in the press today about the job market.
I set out on this journey to follow my heart and find my passions. I did many informational interviews and learned that most people who found a career that they love seemed to fall into it. After all of my introspection and analysis, I still can not fit myself neatly into a function, like marketing, finance, or accounting. In this black and white world, all I know for sure is that I am a shade of gray, blue, yellow, green, or pink, depending on my mood for the day.
Here is what I know about myself so far:
1. I have a passion for health and fitness. I must exercise each day because it makes me feel confident, energized, and strong.
2. I love to learn new things and have a variety of interests. I lose myself while reading good books, browsing through magazines, and mindlessly doing crossword puzzles.
3. I feel energized by connecting with other people and helping them solve problems; I want to make a difference in another person's life.
4. I need to work with smart people who are passionate about what they do in order to learn and grow.
5. Routines bring me comfort and help me feel in control in the chaos within the world today. I naturally put process in place when faced with ambiguity and chaos.
6. Balance is important to me. I work hard, but I also need time to myself to re-energize, reflect, and have fun.
Now I can apply these things in many ways. But maybe, my journey right now is not to find the "perfect" job for me, rather, to learn to trust myself. My journey is to rediscover my confidence and what I really want to do, then trust myself that I will make it happen.
For the first time in my life, people see all of my potential and actually want me to work for them. Today I feel like Sally Field when she won her first award, "You like me, you really like me!" Thank you God for all that you have given me. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of all the wonderful people that are showing me my gifts and helping me find my confidence again.
Now I am faced with some wonderful opportunities that will lead in different directions. Both of them seem scary to me and I question my abilities. Now I need to learn how to look into my heart and see the one that feels like the right fit. Now is the time to learn to trust the process and continue to believe that God and the universe will bring everything together when the time is right. So now, I am learning to "go with the flow" and to enjoy the ride.
I set out on this journey to follow my heart and find my passions. I did many informational interviews and learned that most people who found a career that they love seemed to fall into it. After all of my introspection and analysis, I still can not fit myself neatly into a function, like marketing, finance, or accounting. In this black and white world, all I know for sure is that I am a shade of gray, blue, yellow, green, or pink, depending on my mood for the day.
Here is what I know about myself so far:
1. I have a passion for health and fitness. I must exercise each day because it makes me feel confident, energized, and strong.
2. I love to learn new things and have a variety of interests. I lose myself while reading good books, browsing through magazines, and mindlessly doing crossword puzzles.
3. I feel energized by connecting with other people and helping them solve problems; I want to make a difference in another person's life.
4. I need to work with smart people who are passionate about what they do in order to learn and grow.
5. Routines bring me comfort and help me feel in control in the chaos within the world today. I naturally put process in place when faced with ambiguity and chaos.
6. Balance is important to me. I work hard, but I also need time to myself to re-energize, reflect, and have fun.
Now I can apply these things in many ways. But maybe, my journey right now is not to find the "perfect" job for me, rather, to learn to trust myself. My journey is to rediscover my confidence and what I really want to do, then trust myself that I will make it happen.
For the first time in my life, people see all of my potential and actually want me to work for them. Today I feel like Sally Field when she won her first award, "You like me, you really like me!" Thank you God for all that you have given me. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of all the wonderful people that are showing me my gifts and helping me find my confidence again.
Now I am faced with some wonderful opportunities that will lead in different directions. Both of them seem scary to me and I question my abilities. Now I need to learn how to look into my heart and see the one that feels like the right fit. Now is the time to learn to trust the process and continue to believe that God and the universe will bring everything together when the time is right. So now, I am learning to "go with the flow" and to enjoy the ride.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Courage
I wish that I was one of those adventurous people who have the confidence and courage to move to a new city and start a new life. When I graduated from college, I admired my friends and peers who decided to pack their bags and move to New York City to start their careers. Even though they had no friends, no job, and no clue of what they would do when they arrived, they didn't give into fear. They followed their hearts and knew that they would find a job and make a life in their new city.
When I graduated from college, I made the practical, safe choice and moved back home to live with my mom. Home was where I felt safe and secure. I have always been a shy, self-conscious girl who always follows the rules and consistently does what is expected.
Now I wish I would have taken bigger risks and planned my life based on what I was interested in, rather than what was the safe or practical thing to do. I would have spread my wings and moved to a different city where I had no friends and no idea of what career to pursue. I would apply for jobs that seemed like a stretch for my skills, such as becoming a journalist or magazine editor. It wouldn't matter where I started, if I worked hard and enjoyed the experience, I would end up somewhere great.
Maybe if I would have taken that leap of faith and moved to a new city, I would have gained self confidence, self-assurance, and trust - trust in myself that I can make it by following my heart. Perhaps I would not over-analyze everything that happens because I will have learned that everything will work out in time. Maybe I would not still feel like that shy, self-conscious little girl that is too afraid to venture far from home and step outside the box.
I know that it is never to late to change. It is never to late to pack my bags and move to a new city to start over, to re-invent myself. Where would I go? What would I do when I got there? The possibilities are endless and overwhelming. All I know for sure is that I need to start stretching myself to try things that seem scary and impractical because I want to gain confidence in my abilities and to learn to trust my instincts. To trust that I can make it in this world on my own by living for the experience, even if it means doing what seems impractical.
When I graduated from college, I made the practical, safe choice and moved back home to live with my mom. Home was where I felt safe and secure. I have always been a shy, self-conscious girl who always follows the rules and consistently does what is expected.
Now I wish I would have taken bigger risks and planned my life based on what I was interested in, rather than what was the safe or practical thing to do. I would have spread my wings and moved to a different city where I had no friends and no idea of what career to pursue. I would apply for jobs that seemed like a stretch for my skills, such as becoming a journalist or magazine editor. It wouldn't matter where I started, if I worked hard and enjoyed the experience, I would end up somewhere great.
Maybe if I would have taken that leap of faith and moved to a new city, I would have gained self confidence, self-assurance, and trust - trust in myself that I can make it by following my heart. Perhaps I would not over-analyze everything that happens because I will have learned that everything will work out in time. Maybe I would not still feel like that shy, self-conscious little girl that is too afraid to venture far from home and step outside the box.
I know that it is never to late to change. It is never to late to pack my bags and move to a new city to start over, to re-invent myself. Where would I go? What would I do when I got there? The possibilities are endless and overwhelming. All I know for sure is that I need to start stretching myself to try things that seem scary and impractical because I want to gain confidence in my abilities and to learn to trust my instincts. To trust that I can make it in this world on my own by living for the experience, even if it means doing what seems impractical.
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